machinepack self-portraits

the self-portrait

this webpage will serve as a home for my self portraits. in a way, i consider every creative enterprise as a self-portrait, but this webpage is reserved especially for human depictions rather than something more abstractly defined.

i find that the quickest and least consciously thought-out pieces best express important internal states. sometimes i can look back on self portraits from months ago and sense self-revelation in them - i feel as though a piece of my mental life has wiggled away from me and entered its new eternal life on the page. anyone who has read their old noteboks knows that it's the easiest way to time travel.

perhaps an art piece is intensely personal to the artist and subject. to what matter is this to the person viewing my crayon and mspaint drawings? none: maybe instead the artist ought reveal his anonymity a bit in the spirit of sportsmanship. perhaps a contrived bio could do the trick. or, indeed, perhaps they are simply silly little pictures.

cloud-portrait

on october 18th, 2023, at 12:12am, a friend sent me a screenshot of a tweet from one of my favorite musicians. the tweet was an open request for some production work to be completed. of course, i was enticed by the prospect, but upset, as i was at work, and had many hours remaining in my shift. i decided that i would spend my remaining "working" day dedicating my attention toward creating a consciousness-state conducive to creativity, so that when i was finally home i could immediately create some good music. during lunch i went to a nearby gym and exercised myself at extremely high intensity until exhaustion. on the ride back from work i listened carefully to music to inspire myself. all the while, throughout the day, i made sure to keep a close eye on myself; i remained mindful and present.

i finally arrived home after a full day of anticipation and meditation and decided that it would be unfit to begin the creative task immediately - to do so would have been, dirtying, sacrilege, or self-effacing. with that, i began another run, this time, two miles. as the final stretch of the second run approached, with my lungs burning mindful concentration, i looked up at the sky and saw a wonderful image.

i saw, in the clouds, an image of myself. the cloud-me had a hand on his (my?) shoulder. the hand was connected to an arm, but the arm was not connected to any shoulder or body. i don't know what i saw, nor do i have any satisfying hypothesises about the importance i attach to the event. the portraits on this page should give you a decent idea of the way that cloud looked.